Zen Short stories; We are The Hum.. Resistance is futile

Spring has sprung; the winds have kicked in.

Last week, just a couple hours after I watered down the last burn, the winds started…and are still blowing and picking up speed.

Tis the Season of the Wind.. The temps are in the mid forties though dropping, at present, and the winds after week of shaking the house about, are still blowing. Though the windows are closed down at present …because even cracked open in the bedroom, a gust knocked over a bunch of things that were neither on the windward nor leeward side of the house….

Assuming that you have been in the hills on a mountain top when the crisp 35+ mph breezes cut through your jacket, you’ll know what a breeze up here is… not the slight movement of a flag or the waving of a leaf….branches bending and holding on to your cap while your cheeks get numb.. yup, that slight breeze.. The week of winds were the whole;

Do I Really need to go out to get that can of whatever from the container?” as you watch birds bounce off the side of the house when a gust catches them off guard, and the ice that has formed on the pond cracks from the pressure of the winds, only to refreeze while you stare at it, wondering why the hell you hadn’t brought in the damn can of whatever a few days ago… Then, inevitably, you hunker down, pull your cap on tight, zip your jacket and step out the door.. only to be pushed back in by the gust…. Again , you step out, push into the breeze as your breath is literally sucked out of your lungs…Dumbass, close your mouth… Your eyes water within the next step as you look up to see which direction the container is, burrow into yourself and stride baby stride… Opening the container, you step in, only to have the wind slam the door and now you are in the dark… Crap!…You re-open the door, turn, only to have the wind slam it again…This is where creative swearing comes in handy…

The door braced, you look through the shelves… You sigh… There has to be that can here someplace….Ahhhh.. yes…. Now you remember…. You DID, in fact , Bring it in before the winds hit…. Crap on a cracker!….. Well, what else do you think you might need while you are already here?…..and then, the door slams closed again…. Creative swearing 101-B.

The door opened once again, you turn to see a stack of totes crash to the floor from the shaking of the solid cargo container by the Spring winds….Creative Swearing Advanced level……

Totes restacked.. you turn to look towards the shelves as the door, one more time, slams shut as a near 50mph gust hits, shaking the container violently.. You swear in the dark.. Then you hear another stack crash, and, ultimately, push you to the other side as it avalanches over you….. Creative Swearing- Bonus level.

Playing Blind Man’s Bluff, you make your way to the door in the dark, stumbling over the new layers of obstructions…Step out and slam the door behind you as you go ape-shit crazy creative swearing level 2.

The next gust catches you off guard as you stare at the container wondering how you could teach it a lesson… The gust slams you up against the pump house, where you trip over the shed antlers that the winds have blown off the top of said container….

Looking up, you watch a raven flying sideways.. That can’t be right… Creative swearing comes from the oak grove as the raven is bashed into the branches…and you feel a little better as it isn’t just you.

Walking back to the house is mostly trying to stay upright as the winds gust, shoving you relatively towards the house.

Welcome to Spring on Zen.

We are The Hum

The hummingbirds are coming back in, more most every day.

Lass and Hollywood are more than a little irritated to have to share the Homestead with the rest of the family.

Plum Boy is still trying to convince Lass that he is actually a good catch while Hollywood explains to him how he would like to turn his plum inside out.

Several of Lass’s aunts, sisters and nieces are back; gossiping with and about Lass and her winter with not one but two boys.

Several of Hollywood’s brothers, cousins, uncles and the occasional Hummie; himself, are up and about as well. He gets the same crap from them as Lass is…. The fact that Lass had gone back to town during the worst of it doesn’t seem to matter much to the masses as , even in the hummie world, everyone has something to say, doesn’t matter what the truth may be, everyone has to put in their two cents, jump on any convenient soap box, leap into whatever band wagon that rattles by.

What this all means to us lowly humans is; hordes of hummers chasing one another in play, courtship and irritation…Many things cross species just as they do in our culture, or lack of it on the crap ass slippery slide of twisted moral mangling.

We started out with the singular winter feeder out, that we would swap any time it started to freeze, many times a day for a while. Hollywood stayed, even after Lass went to town. If there is a hummer here, we are not about to let them starve. They aren’t here because there is a feeder.. There is a feeder because they are here… Just one more thing that know it all citiots can’t get through their skulls ….If your kid comes back from college, do you refuse to feed him or her, worrying that they are here only because you have food they can eat? Friggin duh…

The hummers consider us family. We were here when they were born; right here within a minute’s fly. They come in, now before the sun even attempts to rise, we are out there. They come in chatting and they come in early to visit. Both Lass and Hollywood have started that practice since she came back from town. They both stay at the feeder until after dark as well, if we are out. They’ll swing in from the juniper, which is less than 20 feet from the feeder. They have protection from the winds and snow. The sun is only over their home until noon and then it cools off in the afternoons for them. When the weather is bad, it is a quick hover to the feeder and right back into the house. So.. now they push the limits of hummer flights to its limits.. They hear us; it’s time to hit the feeder and listen and chat.

The rest of Hummie’s clan comes in later and heads to bed earlier.. They have more of a flight to get to their apartments . Hummie still has his cabin at the edge of the North Grove so he has a good fifty yard flight each way.. but he is also out where it is quiet.

Feeders were emptying so quickly that I ended up putting out three already. Then I had to fill them more than the halfway point I have been using as they would empty in a day…. Heck the in-laws , friends and vacationers haven’t even hit yet….

So.. you can see why Lass and Hollywood are getting a little miffed… WAY too early for this buzz-about.

” Da !…..Da!….. Hey DAaaaaaaa! Hey!”

Hey Lass. What’s up?” I said as I stood to look over my monitor, the little hummer sitting on the fence staring at me through the window.

The feeder is getting low by the Fly-n-Go.”

What? I JUST filled it..”

Hey.. I didn’t invite the horde. They are drinking up all my juice! Hope you made more.”

Yeh yeh.. brand new batch cooling just now. I’ll check the feeder for you.”

Fill! Not check..Fill! Tastes like hummie spit.”

K.. On it.” I looked over her head to the feeder and sure enough, the level was way low.

I went to the kitchen to check the temp on the juice. Holding my hand to the container it felt just fine. Slightly warm but with the chill temps out, it would be like warm tea for them.

Grabbing the feeder, I went back in, cleaned it , filled it and walked out. Plum Boy saw me coming, flying beside me.

New juice! My fav! No spit er nuttin.” He buzzed by to sit on the fence just in front of me, a couple feet from my face, watching me hook the feeder to it’s stand. He flew in to sit on the feeder while I was holding it to keep it from swaying. ” Got it Da.. Fanks!”

I walked back towards the house, Lass chasing one of her sisters flew between my arm and body, only to have a pair of boys literally fly between my legs as I walked and another pair buzz my head.

Hey! You almost got me.” I laughed as they swung for another round…all three pair.

Giggling, the hummers spun around me one more time before swinging up to the porch to wait for me to walk by.

We beat! We Beat!” Lass laughed as I walked by.

” I’ll beat you.” I chuckled as I stepped to the porch.

A chorus of laugher broke out behind me before Lass and sister swung in to fly between me and the door, up and over my head then hovered right behind me.

I can hear you, you know. “

Giggles from behind my head let me know they were still close. Lass swung in one more time as I open the door to brush me with a wing. ” Byeee Da.”

I put away the rest of the juice and went back to my office, only to see Lass, her sister, Hollywood and Plum Boy all sitting on the fence just outside my window….Staring at me.


What are you doing?”

Nothing yet……………………Why?” I asked, hesitation in my voice.

Grins slowly spread along the beaks of each of the hummers… I got a chill..

Ok.. You Know that’s creepy right?”

They all nodded simotaniously.

Gawwwhhhh.” I shuddered as goose pimples cross my arms. The hair on my neck rising. ” Knock it off..friggin rejects from an Alfred Hitchcock movie ….”

Whaaaattt?” They chorused.

Oh yeah.. Keep that up and I’ll color your juice…Maybe Baby poop brown.”

They ALL scrunched their noses together..

AHHHHHH!!!!! Stop it!”

They all looked to one another…yet again simultaneously..

Gawh! Freakin Hummie Borg collective.”

I am Locutus of the Hums. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. “ Hollywood piped in.

Oh..and That’s Not creepy at all…” I said, hands now on my hips, glaring at the twerps.

We are the Hums. Existence, as you know it, is over.” Lass chimed in.

I am totally changing the HULU password.” I grumped, half amused, half freaked out. “ If even one of you puts on any techi-eye piece or wing I am going to put lemon juice in your feeder.”

Once again, they all looked to one another then started laughing as they flew off.

Good one Da… No you wont.” Lass said over her shoulder…finishing by sticking her tongue out at me.

I shook my head. ” freaky Hummer Trekkies .”

Final Thoughts

So, as it is the end of the month; we are back watching WAFA venders showing their wares from this last Friday until tonight .

Ma doesn’t have much on her want list right now, but her favorite folk;

Whispering Pines, Southern Rabbitry, and Creative Ripples

Are putting up vids and products today so it is a must for us to see what they are up to this time around.

You simply can NOT go wrong with any of these folk if you are looking for fiber/wooly/Angora goodness…

Ma has been, luckily, on vacation this time around so she can keep an eye out for any new to us venders as well as her tried and true.

Though the numbers of venders we will go back to over and over is slowly shrinking, those that we support just keep showing folk more and better fibers and more.

We had a couple upsets from the last set of sales, though most Ma can fix a fair amount and I have brand new projects to take on, we won’t be adding the folk to our roll over list.

Some of Ma’s people aren’t up this time around, but, there is little doubt that we will catch them again in the coming months as Ma works through new fibers in her quest for the best of the best for each type of project.

We had some fleece come in for me to learn the prepping…and one batch that shouldn’t have been for prepping but is… Seems they either got in a hurry, or they got new tools and haven’t learned them yet… In any case, they dropped off the Go To list.

Ma has been spinning some of the fibers she has picked up recently, going to an even smaller diameter in her spin, touching the lowest end of lace and looking towards gossamer though that wasn’t actually the plan.. Ma and Mama Wheel spin how the fiber tells them to and the pair just keep getting better and better each time around. They are perfectly capable of spinning thicker, but, spinning small then adding numbers to the ply is much stronger as well as showing designs even better when they pop due to the roundness in the numbers in the ply .

I haven’t done much at all outside since the winds hit. I have time to wait instead of fighting the cold and the dirt I would create while I work. Why work harder for the same end results?….Plus… If I start busting butt while Ma is off, she’ll go out and work as well…. Easier to get her to relax if I do the same.

Hummies are everywhere now, though numbers will increase dramatically once it warms…we are suppose to get snow tonight.. we will see.. Temps are dropping quickly again with these winds and clouds are building.

We have a town run to Hooterville tomorrow as Ma has to see the doctor. I have a stop to make as well but other than that, it is up to Ma what comes after.

Our deer are back, and some preggers, and hanging around when the wind isn’t too horrible. Coyote kids are, of course around as well , but they stay away from the deer… Limpy told them how he got his name and no one really wants to get the crap kicked out of them for nothing.

Caca birds are making a lot of racket lately, just like a lot of the others, they are looking at mating or kicking out new neighbors.

The elk came through, though only to say Hi and off they went about their merry way.

As I sit and type, I notice my room is getting colder and colder as the winds bring in the chill, .. Even through winter, we keep those bedroom windows open while we rush to the bed laughing about how cold it is in there while it hovers around 50F, but we just can’t sleep at the higher temps as well. .but.. I ended up having to close them for the first time in many months due to the wind strength today.

Watching the trees and bushes bend in the now around 40+mph steady winds, I remember when people were as flexible and how anymore the bulk are little more than a flock of city crows, nagging at every passer by. Spitting and cussing for little to no reason other than there are too many of them with absolutely nothing to do but feed off of others…. It makes me very happy to be on this blustery summit on

Just another day on Zen Mountain

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