Ode to Homer

Homer I can relate to

…”I hope, sir,” said he, “that you will not be offended with what I am going to say. Singing comes cheap to those who do not pay for it, and all this is done at the cost of one whose bones lie rotting in some wilderness….

Homer Simpson even more so…D’oh !



I actually did that once when I was much younger..on a wee lesser scale and yet…Trust me ,it feels like that.

Saturday’s Homerisms:

Saturday we had to get some outside work done. Ma, my better and presently slower ( and yet more stubborn ) half was out in Hummie Garden weeding..yes, with a ruptured disc … I know… YOU try to stop her. Two canes , a back brace and I come around a corner to find her pulling weeds… What the Hell!?!

I shook my head because saying something would be akin to banging my head against the shop wall…Oh I did that too , just a bit later.

I decided I had better start getting equipment going. We have already fallen so far behind with Ma being busted up and my eye and the bag of grief that comes with it still to date.

I pulled the walk behind mower . The garden tractor with belly mower , Little Red ; The 53 Jubilee tractor with over-sized bucket , 7′ blade and needing to switch over to PTO mower. The weed-eaters ; Mine , Ma’s and the walk behind. They all needed work and to be run.

I didn’t really have the nerve yet to start any as I knew most would be a PIA. Only Red has been run lately.

And so it begins….

I pulled the walk-behind  mower first , oil is new plug is in good shape. Pulled the blade sharpened it then filled it with gas. Checked the walk-behind weed eater out and filled its tank as well.

I glared at both for a bit as I knew they would give me troubles.. The mower is a Crapsman. I spent the next many minutes, possibly days , jerking on the starter rope… Guaranteed Three Pull Start…Yeh , right.  Ripped a blister somewhere along the way through gloves…Yippie. Gave up..

Started pulling on weed-eater….several months later I found I had pulled a muscle in my left side lower back..Scooby Do  ! I considered  piling them under Red’s bucket and repeated smashing them into the ground but I figured I’d probably tear up the hydraulics so I glared at them again instead.

I walked into the Shop to stare at the Crapsman Garden Tractor….I groaned a bit as I turned the starter…It finally started ! WOOT! I took my foot off the brake and it died. I preceded to bang my head against the steering wheel …I walked into the house to take Excedrin for my headache .

Walking back out to the shop , I picked up a large rock and glared at the mower as I raised the rock…..It slipped out of my hands and fell on my head .. D’oh! I kicked the mower stubbing my toe . Gawh ! and  D’oh!… It still didn’t start. I began to swear . Ma hid behind a bush…Phht! I had already seen her…

I started the mini tractor again…Let off the brake..It died again.. I pulled off the seat . It has to be the kill switch…. Ran some WD-40 on it. Put things back together after I worked the switch  for a bit. Started the tractor. Let off the brake…It still ran ! WOOT! I put it in gear and it stayed where it was. GWAHHH!!!……. A few weeks later….. I finally got the tractor to move. Then I got it stuck…IN the shop… I had moved two feet. CRAP!

Oh Come On!

The wee mini Tractor finally out of the shop I ran it over to one of the yards to see what she would do before I bothered sharpening the blades.

I got five rounds done and down into the field a bit when the PTO went out suddenly. ( insert swearing here ) Back to the shop I go.

A) a branch from a bush had managed to sneak up into the belt system. Ok well That would cause trouble but not knock out PTO. The way the thing is set up it was a bit of a bugger to get in to where the branch was. I got it out and saw what the problem probably was.

B) electrical line pulled out by said branch….Oh yeh.. Crapsman that explains open wiring harness access from belt system.

Taking care of the two problems , I tried to start the tractor..no workie.. Ok.. that means that that was the problem. PTO was still engaged….apparently . Then she started back up. Back down to the yard and yup had the belly mower again.

I finished up the area and brought the tractor back up with the other equipment. That was all well and fine but not where I needed to get things cleaned up. I needed the walk-behind. I pulled on it again  for a day or two, kicked it and walked off.

Trying the walk-behind weed-eater again left me sore and limping from twisted hip.. I am so hating getting old. Hands already hurt all the time now stiff and clicking Feeling the the Tin Woodsman needing oil.


I set up my weed-eater and started pulling on it…..( insert swearing degrading into whining )..

This HAD to work… One last try.. It coughed! Oh yeh Baby ! A month later and she finally started.. My arms now wiped from jerking on pull starts I get to run my heavy weed-eater…To use instead of a lawn mower ..Jolly !

Carrying it down to ” Eden’s ” lawn area I found that while we have been laid up , the warmer weather and rains had brought the grasses up to about hip level…. Stupid mower could have just told me that..

I slowly worked my way through the hay field cutting it back down to size. The winds will move all of that off…Probably.

Now at least, we can see the plants and make our way around without Ma getting lost.

I finished running the weed-eater around the garden areas and paths as one of the lines ran out… I still had gas and only a small section to go , I was not about to tempt fate and have it not start again.

Seriously ?!?!

I finished up what I really needed , walked back to the shop to let the weed-eater rest.

Deciding I might as well… I jerked on the cord for the mower… It started coughing and puking but ran-ish… Seriously ? Now? After I mowed the yard areas. Now? The mower finally smoothed out so I let it shut down.

Glaring at the walk-behind weed-eater I pulled its cord. Smoke billowed out .. In short order it ran as well.. Riiiiiighhhhhtttt. Now…..

Ha , seems they didn’t notice I had the fenced Apple area and the island left. HA!

I ran the weed-eater through both areas as well as around the Woodshed . Ha!

Riiighhhhtttt… Of course……

I had enough cleaned up that I could start working on the equipment again. I lifted the weenie tractor to pull the blades from the belly mower…The bolts were both frozen! Of course you are you wee leelte Beauty !…..Yes… Yes I did kick the tractor…I then limped off to grab a bigger wrench.

Finally I broke free the first bolt…Well.. ok it froze half way out..Awesomeness! ( More swearing and a pinch of whining for flavor ) The first blade finally free I got it ground down and back on, I put in some anti-freeze for bolts…Second bolt was a little more of a bother…I stopped twice to glare at it… Pretty sure that’s what broke it free. Second blade off , ground, coated and back on, I started airing tires.

Ok She is good to go. Now that the blades are , well, actually blades instead of bats I thought i’d better run a test. I had another area I ran the wee tractor to…

Second round and it started clattering! CRAP!. Knocked out the PTO. Back up on ramps I saw that the first blade had come free!> What the Hell !?! I tightened it back up again. Finishing the area , I checked things yet again and all was fine….friggin finally.


We had to smoke cheeses so while I had been working on things I had cheeses in the smoker along with a pork sirloin roast.. I had happened to be in between rants when the two hour mark hit and the cheeses turned out perfect…SWEET! Cheese inside and wrapped to pull off the oils and cool.

The roast was hit with more smoke temp and cook time increased.

Come on Baby…Please…

I looked at Lil Red and she looked at me.

” We gotsta do it. ”


I uncovered her and she started right up. Whew.. Well that’s one.

I did a few small chores while she warmed up. We had to do the last of what road work I need the blade for before we could to the switch.

Got to the road dropped the blade and started cutting the South edge , widening the road again. I didn’t get to work on the road with her last year as both her and I were down.

This year we are both limping but got to work. We made several more cuts and passes on both edges until I was happy. Then I turned the blade to bring in out dirt towards the center from both sides.. We made MANY passes working everything to where it needed to be. Flattening and widening the road….

See here’s the thing though…

The neighbors WILL screw it up before it heals.. I bet as I sit there are ruts in the road as they aren’t smart enough to drive where you can see it is hard and let the stuff settle a few days to harden.. I know this because that is what they do every single time I make a fix. The thing is.. Screw them! I pulled the blade . They mess it up , it’ll be a while before I can fix it .

I can go out and work out most ruts, unless it turns to mush first , with the sami . Most of it was compacted with the tractor, blade and bucket …but there is one section only a foot or so wide and very obvious.. I would bet that they saw it and felt that it was their right to **** it up . That seems to be the way they are running since Turkey Day…every freakin day ….. That’s dedication to be that big of an ass…

The Gardens

We are right there ready to hit those. The problem is we are behind. I have to still till the squash bed . In the time we were completely down weeds got into the beds that were prepped…Awesome! So we will have to re-clear.  Four of the beds are ready to go for the most part though. We just have to find the time to start getting things in.

Our ” Test Garden” put out a full meal of asparagus this week for us. Our first batch from up here. The flavor was, of course, amazing  Unless you grow it yourself you just can’t imagine the difference even from that and the organics from town.

Of course, this is why we do what we can to grow as much as we can.

The fruit trees

Everyone but the apricots have flowers. Apples to Pears Gooseberries to Strawberries as well. We have a few dead branches on some trees still to take care of but over all everything looks good.

And so on

We have plants to put in , but we also have to start making the run to get more as we still have trouble getting everything up and growing in time.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Oh we both did way too much yesterday. Fortunately Ma behaved pretty well for a stubborn Brat.

Getting out of bed this morning was almost as bad for me as Ma though mine is chronic . My back has been buggered for a long time now . Work injury that only healed so well.. Oh well..

Ma , of course , over did enough that she is paying for it dearly today . She had wanted to do more today… I knew it would be bad and didn’t plan much.

Both both ended up indoors today . Ma working while I worked on the few chores as well as in my office.

Zen’s quest for fire….

It was announced this weekend that ” Tryx” would be playing at our 40 year class reunion. That makes it official now. The band is back for a bit anyway. Having done our 40 year and have the school’s coming up as well.

The list is filling out. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel… I know well enough that the list isn’t finished and I still have a fair way to go to get what I want into my parts.

The thing is…… Mid week I was working on a song that I knew we would make some changes on from the original…. Something clicked and I went into jam mode finally.. Took freakin long enough to break the mind set that everything needs to be as it is on vinyl … There is still a lot I want to at least get as close as makes me happy but it loosened  something in my head and chest. Several things fell into place and the fire sparks a little higher now.. I just have to not freeze back up again…

Worked on some of my equipment to get it, well , them , into a better set up for working with a band. dropping string gauges was fun…  My “third” string is the gauge that my lightest strings have been for some time now . With all the bending I am doing for this work compared to my norm was tearing my muscles and tendons to pieces … This helps..stupid getting old crap.

Final thoughts

Stupid Doctors appointment

Well had to do the run to Metropolis to see SAIF’s doctor.. I came a wee bit unglued on him…Oh and the papers I had to fill out.. They said to use the back side of the sheet for my complaints if needed.. I ran out of page before I ran out of complaints …and so on…

The trip its self is hard enough that by the time I got there I was worn out from the ride. I didn’t drive. There is no way I can do big city without someone getting in a wreck. I just can’t process what I see fast enough…Well and they are freakin Citiots . I can’t drive defensively enough  for that.

Went through all of the tests again failed with flying colors…Again..Duh…Then we came back. Now we wait to see what he had to say about the visit.

Sore enough

We did as much as we could on what had to be done. We didn’t finish but we made a heck of a dent. All of my muscles from head to feet are screaming .. I know Ma is in bad shape over it.

Now and a Zen

Raptures flying the morning currents as they watch over the Fly-N-Go . The small finches , cowbirds, sparrows and more feeding keep eyes out for the predators .

Ma , at the rail , watches the birds as she sips her coffee. I lean against the other rail watching them as Hummie whips in to visit.

A young female Anna flits up in front of me. One of Hummie’s daughters coming home for the Summer. She watches me as I talk to her. Hummie whips over by us , his head turning red as he begins to chat about having to keep the boys away from his girl. She rolls her eyes at the two of us and takes off to go be social , something not possible when her dad is around.

Hummie whips over to check out Ma and see how she is doing, frowns then sits by the feeder to give her his two cents as well.

The sun begins to crest the hills to the East of us as morning breaks. Looking off to the south , you can see a flock of turkeys wandering the edges of the meadows . Hens and last year’s kids waddling about looking for breakfast.

To the North along one of the deer paths Ma spots a cougar making it’s way into the trees hunting some hundred yards from us.

The CawCaw kids fly over head, swooping in to scatter the smaller birds . They sit at the feeder post and fence until they figure they have a plan. Making their way to just the right spots to tip feeders enough that seed drops to the ground without them getting tangled up then in they come again to land for breakfast themselves.

I shake my head and smile…Idjits  It looks to be

Just another day on Zen Mountain




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