Ringing in the New Year..or..The art of Klutzduggery

We welcome another New Year on Zen Mountain

We welcome the New year in so much as that the new year leads to yet another Spring on its way… Seed catalogs already are hitting the PO box and dreams of green thangs dance in our heads…

How do we celebrate the New Year on Zen? Oh, I imagine the same way a lot of others do from the cities to the other mountain tops…. We fall asleep in our chairs watching TV by the fire.

What? No holiday get togethers on Zen?  You must be kidding!..You have met me, right? We have considered parties..Ok , fine.. I considered parties….. I even so much as started basic plans….even mentioned the possibilities … Then , of course, reality hits…

A) Ma works holidays as a general rule so up all night would be bad and or , she is actually working during any event time could take place…

B) I  can tell a good story, including both reality or other to entertain. I don’t lie, that is too complicated and I am a little too simple for that , but I have no problem enhancing a good story, which are obvious enhancements… IE; Hummie does not actually talk. He does however visit within inches of our faces and does throw major tantrums when I mess with his world and pretty much all the rest that I write besides the obvious….Point is: I am terrible at conversations so trying to visit is more me listening and nodding my head until I get irritated at which point I get a smart mouth. Some times I cut out the middle man and simply go in with snark on my breath..soo I am not great around people for any length of time.. I am annoying even when I try not to be…..I assume…It is all theory until tested.

C) Ma is uncomfortable around people. I try to get her to know new folk so that she might have friends closer by with me gone so much of the days with my commute and in early / out late crap , but Ma is a lot like me in the whole conversation department ..minus the snark…She sometimes cues me in to take that part over..ok fine, she probably doesn’t but I swear it looked like she winked at me…..which funnily enough I am happy to jump right in… If Ma gets annoyed with someone , you can bet I am bouncing on the balls of my feet to get a word in…

D) I am not really “ friend” material  I mean I think I understand “friends” however I don’t really, I think. Ma and I can and do talk about everything . We both listen, add to the conversation and so on… All the quiet embarrassments ( not that I concern myself too much about hiding the stupid things I do as I find them entertaining..as we ALL know ). Dreams and all that fun stuff. We plan and change ideas on the fly… I am pretty sure, I think, that is a lot like what friends are. I am just not really sure. I am “friendly” . I am not a snob…even to citiots * snort* .

I know it is me and not ” them” . I simply don’t fit in that box. I am eclectic enough and yet scattered enough that I know things about certain things that a lot of people I know don’t and yet some days I can’t remember how to say simple sentences …. There are days when the word “door” escapes me So , trying to remember something I did the day before to repeat or fix can allude me .. All the while I can be explaining inner details of a trigger vamp for a 1917 military sniper rifle…or trajectory of most things given weight and currents. Possibly tell you how to rewire a guitar for any number of effects or fixes. I can MacGyver all kinds of crap as I look at piles of stuff or walk through Home Depot …or I just stand there staring at you while I try to stutter out a simple phrase.

I’m not losing my mind. Parts of this has always been while some is just getting more pronounced since my fight with Ménière’s disease as ” they” decided whenever that was. Thing is; why would someone want to put in the time ? So I am happy to be friendly , or snarky , whichever fits .

 *chuckle* sooooo No party at the Zen Homestead tonight….Besides there are very few people close enough to want to deal with the travel.

We are both happy in our own little world up here with the ” kids”. Every so often folks stop by to visit… I don’t think anyone that reads these posts has missed any visitor..They are few enough that I remark on them .

Klutzimus Maximus

Is Klutzduggery a word? Obviously..You just read it.

Art and motion of A klutzduggerous nature

Speaking of me doing silly shiite….

What would a Sunday Post be without me sharing some dumbass thing I did to myself? I know a lot of times injury is simply a sad fact of life… Some how and for some reason I manage to do these things with entertainment value… This is why I write about these things.. I do dumb things that I simply have a flair  when I screw up.

People twist and fall all the time. Folks get injured constantly.

“What happened to you?”

” I slipped getting out of the car, twisted my ankle.”

…………….. Ok..Well , we know what happened. It sounds painful. It even sounds klutzy …

Yeah , no…. When I do something stupid, it is just seldom that straight forward..Right?


I had to block an area at work because people are like cattle….No, they don’t make great hamburgers… They wander about without a thought. You can put up signs but it seems, like cattle, any open path is worth walking down. Small barricades mean nothing but something to push through.

If I have to work in an area that needs to be blocked, I spend an hour setting it up , ten minutes on the actual job then set up extra perimeters to keep the freakin citiots at bay..and generally they stumble through said barricade and when I pitch a fit they tell me they didn’t see any sign or block…. REALLY?!?! I mean frickin REALLY!?!?!


I literally had a two minute job but I had to block the access.. Now to make the backdrop for the story…

This is a second part of an entry area. There are glass  trophy cases lining the walls then a smaller walk through at both ends coming from an outside entry then on the other side reopening into a hallway. The area I was to use as a block came in several feet at the point where I would use a twelve foot folding style table as a barricade at the one end. The table was large enough that it went beyond the constricted spot heading into the hallway , not quite touching the cases to either side, yet close.

I rolled in the table, a cafe-like table, The locking mechanism doesn’t hold as well as it should simply from shear abuse from kids; you bend the frame from leaping on tables , they will not work as they were designed …. I started to step around the table , passing through the tighter section when the lock released. The weight of the table slams the  frame down and lock in place FYI… Me , being at one end and not in center can not control a fall of the table. The night lights were on in the hall , but I could see well enough..through my left eye …..Ok I think we are set up now…

As I say, I was stepping around the table at the point of the tighter area when the table released on its own. I had a choice of twisting to my right and being tossed by the weight of the table backwards into the cases or to the left past the support wall into the hallway. It seem pretty DUH to me. crash into glass or fall down go boom…Right?.. Yeah No.. me remember ..There is always the WTF card …. I leaped to my left, twisting to my left ( derrr) to get past the support when the table got to the point where it had run my foot into the other side of said support wall twisting it to the right and between that and the frame slamming into my lower leg trapping the leg at center as it pushed the foot to the right while I twist to the left , then pinned, fall as it is my left leg, not right, the right leg as useless as all balance is gone and the only thing to hold onto is the falling table which of course is still moving…AND NOW moving faster to its lowered position with my weight as I fall helping it along… Foot left . leg center. Upper leg left. Body twisted farther to the left and tangled in the table….Did I mention that the table locks into the lowered position? Why yes..Yes it does… I am twisted and locked into place with no one around. I can’t get to my phone in my pocket as I am tangled and trying not to break any of the twisty bits…… Long story short ( yes I did cut out parts) I got myself unlocked, and didn’t break anything. My foot is swollen , bruised as is my lower leg and my back hurts like a mo..err a lot… but Ta Da!

Now… Tell me this my good readers…. Which story is more entertaining ?  Even as I lay there across the table trying not to pee myself both from pain and because.. Who the hell does shiite like this but me? I was thinking

” Damn!… I so have to add this to the Sunday Post ..it is such a me-ism. ”

Yes, I indulge in a somewhat klutzduggerous nature.

I have the ability to slip wee tiny little screws into moving parts and yet I walk into walls.

I’m like a superhero that way: Captain Klutz and his misadventurous sidekick Lil Red the Hapless. I so need a cape and shield….and carry the freakin shield on my right side… possibly stop all these weeny little oozing bruises on my right side.

Our first week of glass

This was the first really icy week so far. Getting in and out wasn’t all that bad on our road though it seems my neighbor has yet to learn how to drive, tearing up the road yet again this week….. I am not going to fix it this time.

One of the large rocks I used for filler from the Last time they tore up the road is now suddenly an obstacle. I have absolutely no idea how they did that. It is frozen into the ground and up some 6″ into the middle of the area they keep tearing up.. It was flat Friday night when I came home and buggered Saturday morning when we went to town. They did it , they can deal with it. I am so tired of working all week to come home and work for thankless people on the weekend as well… Actually I would be fine with thankless, it’s the whole tearing up a shared road that there is no reason for doing so and then complaining about the road…. What?… We have the best section of the whole drive…

Anyway.. don’t get me started…

I got to the first part of the main road that first Tuesday morning  to find that for whatever reason , it hadn’t been sanded… A bit annoying for me , but it IS an arterial Highway after all with a fair amount of traffic as it is the only way off Zen proper. There are old folks.. yes even older than me and kids as well as the citiots on both foot and bikes….In the snow and ice..you know, because oh no, we couldn’t possibly break free from the road on the inclines and careen  right over their dumb asses and the cliff simply because two bikes means you ride down the freakin center of the icy road instead of inline along the shoulder that actually has some gravel ….Ooh Ooh or let’s go for a walk.. dressed in white… on a white road.. while it’s snowing.. and fog from hell… down the flippin middle of the road….. what the hell is that? Did someone order a pack of idiots, Fed Ex couldn’t find the address so they freakin released them into the wild? You know those dinks wont survive right? they were raised in wee leettle pens eating off silver spoons and being told that the world will , of course, bend to their every whim……..Oh wait…. No that is TV…” Naked and Stupid” I believe .

Decent Zen folk wear a color NOT the same as the weather and walk along the sides of the road.. Or.. They run as a pack of wolves chase them…Ahhhhh Zen in the winter, brings a tear to my eye….every freakin time I run into a door frame.


So IN the fog on black ice and compact snow I got to our spindly little village at the bottom of Zen, to the only stop sign..At the bottom of a hill….Not sanded…with a car behind me…. Weeeeeeeeeee…and I almost did too… I swept around the corner at the bottom where the road “T”d off. The Ranger catching  as we spun almost in a 180 and continued about my drive.. The car behind me, slid straight but caught themselves in the graveled area following along.

The worst , for me, is the freeway. Is it worse? No , not really.. but that’s where the citiots thrive..and at times breed… I absolutely don’t care if someone wants to tailgate ..whatever.. High beam , flash lights, you can waved yell whatever.. My thinking here is ;

A) There are in fact two lanes , if you want to go faster than me, there is a flippin passing lane. Ranger starts to glide at 55 on ice so I ainta goin to hit 65 and spin.

B) If you’re a bein a dink anyway, it’ll just be me going faster , slippin and yer on my rear with high beams tailgating still.. Have a jolly day.

The funny thing is , I generally catch up to the same people within a mile when they get to the pack going ooohhhhh 50 because they are gliding too…. It’s black ice you moron! 4×4 wont mean crap when they are pulling you out from under a Semi… Citiots and morons.. * chuckle* Oh yes.. this is the diatribe I run through as I watch the ever annoying jerks wait until they are on my bumper to pass then swing right in front of me tossing rocks into my windshield , which they have already cracked doing just so.

I catch up to them in the pack. I make sure I am in the passing lane as I drive past them while they wait behind our friend “Mr. I have to pull over to put on chains you jerk behind me!”…If they look and glare  I smile and wave.

Getting to Hooterville, I find myself in more hills where I start to slide again weeeeeeee…or close to… I finally am at work, where I somehow lose footing in the parking lots skating gracefully towards the door zif I were an octopus on ice.

Whew… Only 2-3 more months to go.


The drive makes me sick as a pig with my eye but other than trippin on trippin it’s all gud. The annoying people are the same annoying people year round for the most part.

Summer time I’ll be hitting at the speed limit and change and the same corks will be riding my bumper and flaming when the passing lane is open and free of traffic… There are just way too many people that love to hate.

I know people that sit and wait for me to walk into a room simply to burst out with a topic that they know will upset me… Maybe my glare is like candy.. I should ask, cause I would glare at these folks for free if that’s the case.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Again , I mention that I am attempting to shorten these…we all know that is somewhat relative only to my own ramblings..

Today isn’t a bad day , we thawed and are now refreezing .Saturday we near saw 40F!

I was running around for a bit in a T.. Then I froze as the temp dropped two degrees with a cold wind…dang.

The rest of the weekend , actually, I have our cooking for dinner , soup and the morning meals for us both. I also would like to toss some more wood into the wood room while it is “sunny” ….”Sunny” as in a grey ceiling just above our heads but Not snowing raining or other… The weather sites call this sunny… I could use some of this sun come summer FYI… Other than that , I have some work to do on my ever dragging music stuff… I did get a wee bit o video of the white this last week but I didn’t notice anything exciting.. Maybe next time. Hard to plan for nature and the kids at the same time.

Assuming “Lil Red”behaves herself we could get wood and take care of it all in under a half hour… At my age that sounds promising no matter how you look at it…………………

Lil Red is under her blankie with a belly heater .. you know as well as I do that if I were to walk up to you, pull off your blanket and heater in 20 some F weather with a wind and say:
” Hey Baby let’s get wood.” You would glare at me, fuss at me and drag your feet… Ergo my writing about it instead of actually doing it at present.

Final Thoughts

” Hi my Name is Zen and I am a klutzaholic. ”

” Hiiiiii Zen”….

I do, at least, try to make my mishaps and misbegotten adventures entertaining .

Winter is here and we have a couple months to deal with it. Oh I freak every time I see snow or freezing rain as I know how the trip to work and back will go and what could happen thanks to others either that aren’t smart enough to realize they the leading cause of accidents out there or because they are nervous as well and slow down too much to where gravity will take over anyway… I have that a lot on Zen roads…

The house is nice and warm. Ma is safe . Lil Red acts up but she gets the job done in the end one way or another.  We just have a couple months which could go as the norm and only have a few storms with a lot of chilly in between or shades of last year. Even with the best predictions they are still only that..predictions. Winter storms break loose quite often within hours as a current drops only a couple degrees south slamming us with who knows what.

The anchor point

All things are as they are. You can wish for pumpkin to be peanut butter but it will still be a pumpkin. Make pumpkin pie don’t fixate to the point of a break down simply because it is not peanut butter.

Winter is part of our seasons here. It isn’t even a single season for that , most years. It is still winter when we plant spring crops. We can still harvest fall crops in winter. Some years however Spring and Fall have Spring and Fall snows….

One of the great things about winter on Zen is that it is Ma’s spinning season. We sit by the fire while Ma spins yarn from fiber which , for us, starts the progress into shirts sweaters , vests socks and shawls come summer for next winter . Ma will spin up clumps of sheeps into a very fine yarn then she plies it to strengthen and thicken it , plus many other attributes depending on what she is up to. She will then decide on the patterns of what she wants though , of course, she has had ideas from the time the fuzzy pillow filling comes off the baaahhhs . She will design knots, cables, and patterns, She works through these designs as they fill out to make sure they fit perfectly from cuff to pocket length.

I sit in the “EST” chair watching her as she starts the process on her wheel and I inevitably end up lifting my arms a few hundred times for her before the project is finished… I still wonder from time to time why I have to lift my arms for socks but I assume Ma knows what she is doing…. Is she messing with me?…Naaaaaaahh she wouldn’t do that.

I love watching it snow…In Spring… Spring ( late winter) snows are awesome. All the beauty with none of the ” damn crap will pile up for another month ” nonsense .

I enjoy taking pictures of hoarfrost .. I hate dealing with it ; fixing fences , clearing trees and the like.

Ahhh to be Hallmark…

The first fire of the season to the last. Cleaning up after it is a bit of work but what isn’t?

Watching the kids on snow is very fun. They stand out giving the somewhat magical look… They , like myself also sneer at snow. You know they love the rut and they enjoy spring.. the crap in the middle?..No so much.

Hummie heads to town.. It’s a long winter’s nap for that boy. Move in with the kids in the town house, kick back in his wee little “EST” chair by his weeny little fire watching ” Game of Thrones” and sipping super juice through a crazy straw until Spring comes back to Zen. He will then back a bag and head back up to make the Hummie Home all nice and snug before Ma Hummie and all the weenie little hummers follow him up.

Winter is fine…in small doses…. On the weekend….When we don’t have to go anywhere…..

I sit writing . looking out my window at the breezes sway the frost laden stalks of meadow grass, telling myself…

” Just get it over with…” Well..and think it to Lil Red while I’m at it… Moving wood should and could be a small job..Just one of the leettle tasks that keeps the tedium from  life here , making it

Just another day on Zen Mountain




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